notfaking_it | (no subject)

It doesn't surprise Lily even a little to discover just how much she likes having T.J. around the studio.

He'd played for the artistic director and the instructors while she had watched under the pretense of needing to rehearse when all she'd really wanted to do was watch their reactions to him. She'd been sure, seeing their faces, that they'd want him to take the job and it doesn't come as a surprise to her when he's there for rehearsal the following Monday. He's talented, he's a much better player than the woman they've been using for the past year, and Lily is excited that he'll be around the studio.

More than that, she hopes it grows into something more. It might never be a full time job with the company, but the symphony director comes in, especially when they near the dates for their shows, and she's hoping he might hear something in T.J. that he'll want. She doesn't say this part, she has absolutely no control over something like that, but she hopes for it all the same.

Smiling, her face and hair damp, she shakes her arms out as she wanders over to T.J. as soon as the instructor calls their lunch break. She rolls her shoulders, then sits down beside him on the piano bench and nudges him with her shoulder. "Wanna eat lunch with me?" she asks, smiling. "You can sit with the cool kids at my table."

She mostly eats lunch alone in the studio and there are no tables, but she's actually looking forward to changing that. She has no problem with the other dancers and she gets along with them well enough, but this is different. This is better.

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"I don't know," she says with a laugh, shaking her head. "Maybe we're just both suckers for really pretty people." She's always loved a nice face, but she knows that isn't it; not for her and not for T.J., not with either of their relationships. There's something significant going on with both of them, whether or not they know how they got to this place. If all they wanted was an attractive person to share their bed for a night or two, she's sure they could both find it without getting as attached as they have.

"This is the first time I sometimes worry about ruining a relationship," she admits.

At least it's not just him. It's kind of an awful thing to think, or it seems like it is, anyway, but with as often as he worries about the same thing, T.J. can't help if it's a little relieving to know he's not the only one. For him, it's been inevitable, anyway. With what he knows of relationships, both what he's seen, half a lifetime spent watching his parents, and experienced himself, he hasn't really got a clue what he's doing. That he hasn't managed to blow it yet is kind of a fucking miracle. So is the fact that Thomas has stuck around through as much as he has.

Lily, though, he has a lot more faith in than he does himself, and he smiles a little across the table at her. "You're not gonna ruin it," he says. "I mean, shit, you've made it this far."

"Hey," she says, holding his gaze with a gentle smile. "So have you."

And Thomas, she knows, is a good man. What T.J. has been through recently hasn't been easy, she knows that, not for anyone involved, but Thomas had been there. He'd been at the hospital, he'd called Lily to come see T.J., he'd helped him through rehab and now, on the other side, he's still here. They're living together, they seem happy, and that's all Lily can ask for. It's all she wants for T.J. and she's fairly certain Thomas only wants the same.

Only barely, T.J. thinks, and kind of hates that. It's true, though. He'd credit luck before anything else for the fact that he's somehow managed to stay in this relationship — that, and the fact that Thomas is a hell of a lot more understanding than most people would be, than he knows he deserves. Just about anyone else would have left after what happened just before Christmas. Hell, a lot of people would have left even sooner, no matter how well he'd tried to keep his coke habit hidden. It's not something he ever intends to take for granted, but still, he knows himself and his history. The chances of him blowing it are a lot higher than him actually making this work.

"Yeah, and what a fucking miracle that is," he says with a wry little smile. Some small part of him can't help feeling guilty for it, but even with Lily, who knows him better than almost anyone, it's easier to play all that off with a joke than it is to admit it. "Back home, that would've been big news."