notfaking_it | (no subject)

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kaine

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It's a rare afternoon off that finds Lily grocery shopping. It's not the sort of thing she does often, given how regularly she goes out to eat instead, but it helps to have some food around the apartment for those days she doesn't feel like heading out or the days when someone else might just want to stay inside.

She's come straight from rehearsal, still dressed in her tights and a long sweater, her hair pulled back from her face. This isn't the girl she usually presents to the world either, fresh faced and a hell of a lot more innocent looking than she usually is, but it's fun in its own way. She even feels different, a little more like the person she was on the island.

When she turns down the street toward the grocery store, she lights up in a smile at the sight of Kaine coming toward her. "Well, hey there," she says, shifting her gym bag higher onto her shoulder. "It's been awhile." She hasn't gone looking for him, but she certainly hasn't been avoiding him either. Not after that night.

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Well shit.

After that night, I've kind of been avoiding Lily. Not that I really need to go out of my way not to see her, but I didn't go seeking her out. We had one night of really, really amazing sex and it had been a horrible mistake. I don't care how "friends with benefits" or "no strings attached" the situation was, it was a bad idea for me.

"Uh, hey. Yeah. A while I guess."

"Holy shit, deer in headlights," she says with a laugh, although she's not completely surprised by his response. In the bar that night he'd seemed uncomfortable and it had been even more obvious up on the roof and although she'd been more than happy to take the lead -- and he'd more than made up for it later -- she knew he hadn't been entirely sure of what he was doing.

"You should've ducked behind that car," she points out, grinning. "I might've walked right by."

"I didn't recognize you," I admit. Because if I had? I would have hidden behind a car or jumped to the roof of a building. Maybe not something to be proud of, but it would have saved me this awkward conversation.

The lack of makeup and her general change of demeanor is deceptive though. She seems younger and less... predatory.

"And if you had?" she asks, eyebrows lifting in amusement. "Are you telling me you really would have ducked behind the car to avoid me? Come on, it's not like I'm gonna climb you in the street."

It's the middle of the day, after all. Had it been a bit later, she might have been tempted, but she's sore from rehearsal and she's hungry and she has to go back to the studio later for more work.

"Pretty sure I could prevent you from doing that if I had to," I mumble, running a hand through my hair as I glance away.

The sad thing is that I absolutely would have ducked out of the way. I would have hid from this tiny girl for reasons I can't even really describe other than "I'm fucked up."

"Wow, okay," Lily says with a laugh, though it's a little less friendly than before. Her brow arches and she looks up at Kaine, mouth hitched into an unimpressed smile. "We had fun, end of story. Saying hi to someone you fucked isn't the end of the world."

If this is a brush off, it isn't even a very good one. She's never understood that anyway.

"Look, I-"

I don't even know. I don't know where to even begin explaining why that night was such a bad idea for me. I'm a mess so far beyond most people trying to explain it would just sound insane or like a lie.

"-that's was, uh, really great. And you're... amazing. Obviously. I told you it had been a while and that's because I am a huge fucking mess. I've never done that before and I, ah, shouldn't have."

"You can be a mess and still seriously need to get laid," Lily says, giving him a look before she shakes her head. She's not offended, but he's making it out to be a lot more than it was, which is maybe part of the problem. "Look, like you said, it was great, but that's all it has to be if that's all you want it to be. Sex doesn't have to have so much power."

Which is easy enough for her to say, given how often she uses it to get what she wants, but Lily loves sex, too. It isn't always about power.

It's not the sex that has the power, it's the horrible guilt that comes with it. To be honest, I would rather this wasn't anything. I'm perfectly fine pretending it never happened outside of a cautionary tale or ducking behind cars to avoid her.

"But, uh, yeah. I'll try not to be weird about it I guess."

I can probably be weird about something completely different without much trouble.

"I'm sort of getting the feeling that being weird about something is kind of your thing," she answers, one corner of her mouth turning up into a smirk. "So, really, the next time you see me, unless you duck behind a car to avoid me, just say hi. Trust me, I'm the last woman in the world who's expecting anything else from you."

She's not interested in dating, not even slightly interested in a relationship and even if he didn't want to sleep with her again, she's not doing too poorly in that department either.

"Except you just said you expect the weird from me. Saying hi would be normal."

I give a small smile, or I try to do it, hoping it doesn't come off creepy or anything. It's not really a natural thing for me and will probably put her off more. Might not really be a bad thing, that way she'll avoid me.

"Okay, well, except that," she says with a laugh that's slightly easier than before. "Seriously, you've got nothing to worry about, okay? Just let it be a fun memory. We're good."

"Yeah, okay," I say, sounding more at ease now. I'm not sure what I was worried about, probably her reaction to my reaction. I've never slept with someone and then regretted it immediately after and avoided them. I wouldn't imagine she would take it so well.

"You want to get something to eat?" I ask, trying to seem normal after her weird comment. "You look like you could eat."

For a moment, Lily just looks at him, trying to determine if it's something he really wants to do or if he's asking in an attempt to make the situation less awkward. Whatever the case, she is hungry and whatever else he might think, she did enjoy talking to him that night, too.

"Alright," she agrees, tilting her head slightly, her ponytail falling over one shoulder. "Why not?"

She looks so different from that night it's almost unsettling and I almost feel even worse about sleeping with her. I remind myself though that the sex was her idea (not that I hesitated at all at any point) and I didn't take advantage of her.

"Pizza?" I suggest. "Or Chinese?"

"Pizza," Lily decides, then gives him another smile. It's been awhile since she's had pizza and it sounds really good right about now, which it usually does after rehearsal. She's usually tired and sore, but she's also always incredibly hungry. "Come on, there's a great place near here. I found it a few days after I got here and I haven't been back since."

"It's not Enchanted Forest of Pizza, is it?" I ask.

I still remember it from the first time I met Jacob, mostly because how awful he said it is and how absolutely stupid the name is. If Lily likes that place I'm going to worry about her taste. Not that I don't already considering she slept with me.

"No," Lily says, laughing. "There's a place called Enchanted Forest of Pizza?" It's not one of the places she's found yet and the way he says it, she thinks she should be glad about that. It does sound a little strange.

"It's just called Mario's, which is pretty much the most stereotypical name they could have given it, but it's good."

"It's really called that."

I don't blame her for laughing at the name, it sounds even more ridiculous when someone else says it. Now that I think about it though, it's possible that there are some literal enchanted elements involved. Nothing to make the pizza taste good though.

"And places with Italian names are pretty safe best for pizza."

"Probably better than the Enchanted Forest, anyway," she agrees, smirking slightly. As ridiculous as it sounds, she sort of wants to hunt this place down and try it. Maybe Eden will be interested in going with her, even if it is absolutely terrible.

"So what's your deal?" she asks as they walk. "Really."

"I don't talk about my deal," I say as we walk. "Really."

I don't mean to be rude, I just don't mean to be polite either. It's a perfectly natural question, but I'm not going to answer it. I could lie to her and make something up, but that's seems stupid and needlessly inconsiderate. I imagine she'll take it in stride and lying to her would imply i don't respect her, which I do.

If there's anything Lily likes, it's having to dig things out, but she's good at it, too. She can take her time. She can be patient.

"I'm sure you're just a tangled web of a deal," she teases, but she doesn't ask again. Instead, she says, "But I guess we all are in our own way."

"I guess so," I say with a nod.

I admit that some people have had a rough life. I even admit that quite a few have had it rougher than I have. But I highly doubt many people's lives are a more tangled web than mine. "Clone" all by itself is a giant fucking tangled.

Somehow I get the feeling that Lily's not talking about daddy issues though. Or at least I get the sense that she has some sort of idea of genuine struggle.

"What about you? What's your story?"

"My story," Lily repeats, wondering what she could tell him. There's Nina, how sick she was, the way Lily leaned on her and pushed her until she broke. There's the island, the things that happened there, the people she fell in love with even if she never told them.

"My story's pretty boring," she says, because Nina's story isn't hers to tell and the island is another life. "Dancer, I moved around a lot. I like manipulating people into thinking they're doing what they want when they're really doing what I want."

"Charming."

I hate being manipulated. It's a thing with me. Now, of course, I'll be suspect about everything that she does. Maybe I should have been before now. The thing about people who manipulate others is they rarely seem like assholes at first glance.

"I used to move around a lot too."

At the single word, Lily smiles brighter at him, more amused than anything. It's amazing to her most of the time just how many people want to be manipulated and have no idea.

"Yeah?" she asks instead. "Why's that?" Her story there is pretty boring, too, if only because she moved mostly for work and mostly because she was easily bored.

"Just didn't like staying in one place."

There was more to it. Jobs that took me to others cities, running after Ben for the first part of my life. Being hunted for multiple murders.

"Never really voluntarily stayed in one place very long until Houston."

"What was special about Houston?" Lily asks, looking over at him. Maybe it's nothing at all. The only reason she ever stayed in one place for very long was because of work. That was enough, but it was never anything particularly special about a place beyond the fact that they had a good company.

A girl. Aracely had been the reason I initially stayed. Then it became something else. Responsibility bullshit and some other things I don't even want to think about because then I'll hate myself.

"I don't even know," I say. "The weather is miserable, the people are too nice. Just haven't ended up leaving yet. Plus, no superheroes."

"And remind me, was that a good thing or a bad thing?" she asks. She's never had to think about superheroes at all, let alone in terms of good or bad, but the island has helped her adjust her way of thinking in plenty of areas.

"Good thing. I don't like superheroes."

That's one nice thing about this place, the distinct lack of them. Cass is the only other one I've really met that's all that active and she's a friend, so I don't mind her.

I'm not sure how to explain my dislike of them to Lily though. Not that I have to, but I imagine that question is coming next.

"Too much destruction. No aliens ever use Santa Fe or something as ground zero for an attack."

"I guess it depends what world you live in. No aliens ever used New York as ground zero for an attack where I'm from," she answers. "Or any other city, as far as I know. That's the sort of thing I think I would remember."

And it's the sort of thing she thinks it's all that easy to cover up. It's a little too big.

"That's good, it's really a pain in the ass."

It was also dangerous, but I'm sure she can figure that out for herself. No aliens come because they want to help us out with all our problems. If they do, it's usually just a trick.

Lily gives a snort of laughter as they arrive at the pizza restaurant and tilts her head slightly, looking at Kaine. "Sounds like the sort of thing that's actually an understatement," she says as she pushes the door open with her hip, a little bell above their heads tinkling as they walk inside. "Missing your train is a pain in the ass."

"You think any trains run on time when the Skrulls invade?" I ask, arching an eyebrow as I follow her into the pizza place and try not to think too much about that movement of her hips.

"Or some asshole thinks stilts are a superpower and he can rob a bank with them and suddenly the subway you need to use is closed for the day."

Lily laughs as she slides into a booth, putting her bag down by her feet. "Stilts?" she asks, then shakes her head. "No, you're right, I'm glad I haven't had to spend all my life dealing with superheroes or supervillains or aliens."

"Four. Four dumb asses were Stilt-Man," I say, shaking my head. It's pathetic and a sad state of affairs when you consider a world that is so inundated with heroes and villains someone is Stilt-Man.

"Including. I shit you not: Lady Stilt-Man."

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