notfaking_it | [Sawyer]

[Sawyer]

She was dancing Odette's solo.

In a way, it felt strange. The part, so longed for, still felt like it was Nina's and when Lily practiced, she had a tendency to avoid Swan Lake altogether, though she could never put her finger on why it felt off. It was only a ballet, just another solo in a long line of beautiful solos and it wasn't like she hadn't danced it before. But it was still Nina's somehow.

Still, the studio was empty now, which meant Lily didn't have to hold herself back from anything. There was a noticeable lack of music and she wished she had her iPod, something she could disappear into, if only for a few moments. The music wasn't necessary to dance, but it was beautiful and it was important. And it wasn't here. Even so, she could dance the part, her shoes loud on the floor of the studio as she moved from one side to the other.

She paused to catch her breath, then moved back toward the barre and began again, her arms lifting as she looked toward the ceiling. Her hair was pulled off her face, but the bun was a mess, strands of hair slipping free, clinging to her damp forehead, but she couldn't be bothered to fix it. This wasn't a stage in New York, it wasn't a stage in California and there was no audience to complain about how untidy Odette looked in that night's performance.

It wasn't late, but classes were done for the day and she didn't expect to see anyone else as she hummed the solo quietly. She never got the chance to dance the part in New York, but here she could have any part she wanted, even if only for an evening. And this evening, she was Odette, even if it still felt like it would never truly be hers.

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If Sawyer tried to claim that he hadn't spent a good portion of his afternoon looking for the very girl he stumbled across as he passed the studio, it would've been a stark lie. Ever since their last meeting, Lily had worked herself solidly onto the short list of folks Sawyer didn't feel too bad hanging around. There wasn't too much weight there, no hint of high expectations that he'd fail in the moment. Just a girl who seemed sensible, who was capable of dealing with an outburst of anger or two, and seemed a whole lot more sure of what she wanted from life and, perhaps more importantly, where she was going, than Sawyer himself had ever been. The kind of confidence and blasé that Sawyer was willing to be selfish in looking for. It came down to her being strong.

And blissfully unaware of everything Sawyer had involved himself in, over the years. By now, enough people knew that the whole island seemed to be a lesson in the futility of avoiding them all.

Patrols were the easiest times to search for anyone Sawyer particularly wanted to see. Easy to swap with any of the other officers, if he wanted to head somewhere new, see different scenery. Quietly slipping through the door, Sawyer raised a brow, before leaning against the far wall and starting on a slow, loud clap.

In the mirrored wall, Lily had seen the reflection of someone coming into the studio, but there was almost always someone coming in or out. Another student, River with something to bring into the studio, sometimes even a specatator, though that wasn't as common. All she knew from the brief glimpse of the reflection she'd caught was that it wasn't Nina and it wasn't until the clap began that she finished a turn and dropped down from pointe. "Well," she said as she grinned, "I didn't even know I had an audience."

Somehow, she wasn't surprised to see Sawyer.

"Next time you should let me know you're coming, I'll put together something more interesting than a sweaty girl spinning across the floor," she said, though she was mostly joking. Odette's solo was one of the most beautiful she knew, though she couldn't exactly do it justice dressed in a black bodysuit and grey skirt. It just wasn't the same without the costume and the set. Still smiling, she pushed her damp hair off her face and rested back against the barre. "So how was I?"

"Are you kiddin' me? Sweaty girls dancin' across the floor is totally what I'm into. In fact, I'm pretty sure that routine could've used a bit more of sweaty girl dancin' across the floor, if that's even possible. Just one, though. Get too many together and you might cause a riot," he pointed out with a devilish grin, pushing off the wall and crossing his arms over his chest, walking on over with confidence in each step. Truth was, though, he didn't know very much about ballet. Hadn't watched much of it in all his years; somehow, whenever he had the opportunity to indulge in a hobby that leaned more towards the high end of art, other hurdles seemed to get in the ay. Distractions.

But one thing he couldn't deny was the fact that there was something to the routine that touched an onlooker even without all that background information about ballet as an art. Something which spoke to a different personality, acting through spins and graceful waves of an arm, fingers placed just so.

Almost as though she were a different woman altogether. Reserved, almost.

"Anyway, it was... oh, c'mon, you know that it was gorgeous," he grinned, nose wrinkling as he lifted his chin in acknowledgment. "Bit different than how I'm used to seein' you, but I wouldn't say that in a bad way. Though I gotta admit, I spent the last couple of seconds wonderin' just how you manage to get by with your toes stuffed in shoes like that."

With a laugh, Lily rose up onto pointe again and extended one leg as she supported herself on the barre. "These?" she asked, pointing the toes of her lifted leg in Sawyer's direction. "They're not so bad. As long as the box sees fit to give me good ones that I can break in." And it didn't hurt that she'd been wearing them for eight hours a day -- sometimes longer -- for longer than a decade. At this point she knew what hurt and what didn't, she knew how to prepare her shoes properly and she knew how to prevent injury.

She wasn't one to brag about it, but dancing was one thing Lily knew most about.

"It was Swan Lake," she admitted as she dropped her leg and fell to the flats of her feet again. "The show I was in before I got here." She hadn't been cast as Odette, but that didn't necessarily matter. She knew the role, she knew the solos, she'd had to be good at it to be Nina's alternate and it didn't hurt to keep practicing, even if she wasn't going to get the chance to dance it here. "So have you just come to see my interpretation of Odette or is it a social call?" she asked, teasing.

"Those," Sawyer echoed with a nod, raising an arm halfway to give a vague point in the direction of her foot, still impressed as he ran a thumb over his lips. It didn't matter how hard he tried to imagine any position in which that wouldn't bring sharp pain— his imagination, it seemed, was intent on failing him this time. "I have no idea what breakin' in a pair of ballet shoes requires. Seems like wearin' them a lot still doesn't change the fact that you're balancing on the tips of your toes, but hey, color me impressed."

Settling further in again, Sawyer smirked as he rested his hand on the barre, for a moment stupidly tempted to try his best at mimicking her movements. Chances were, his lack of flexibility alone would be a downfall, never mind the lack of grace. He simply leaned against it, instead. "Anyway, just thought I'd stop by a few places. See if anyone I knew was around. You're the only ballerina I know, though, so consider this proof of how you get the extra mile of effort from yours truly," he pointed out, before tilting his head. "So, Odette's the... nice swan?"

"It's not about balancing on your toes, it's about using the muscles in your legs to lift you up so there's almost no weight on your toes at all," Lily answered with a grin, drawing the muscles in her thighs and calves tighter until she was lifted onto pointe again. That wasn't entirely true, of course, there was always pressure on the feet, but even Lily had been surprised by how much of the work was done by the rest of her body when she'd first started to learn.

She was still smiling as she dropped away from the barre and did a few fouettés toward Sawyer, though nowhere near the 32 that was part of the role. One shoulder lifted up into a shrug and she said, "Odette's the beautiful young girl turned into a swan by an evil sorcerer and only love can break the spell." It sounded romantic, she knew that, but part of what she loved so much about the ballet was that it didn't end well. It couldn't. Not with someone like Von Rothbart pulling the strings. "But when she finally finds love, the sorcerer sends his daughter disguised as Odette and the prince announces his love for her."

She finished a turn and said, "Odette kills herself. It's not a happy ending"

"I... will have you know that what you just described to me sounds like a whole lot of crock and bull," he remarked jokingly, staring down at his own feet, as though they'd confirm or deny the claim Lily made just then. While his own knowledge of physics was fairly crude, Sawyer was pretty sure that there was nothing the body could do to lessen pressure without distributing it elsewhere. Against a wall, perhaps, or a barre, or any other object capable of spreading the weight to the ground. But holding the weight elsewhere in the body sounded nearly impossible, even as Sawyer found himself drawing his weight to his toes and trying to lock his legs to see if the trick worked. After a measly effort, the experiment didn't feel quite worth the trouble.

Fortunately, Lily managed to fill the empty space with a few moves of her own, Sawyer's gaze following and appraising until she seemed to land right where she'd been in the first place, squaring off right across from Sawyer himself. "Most love stories, if you ask me, don't have real happy-go-lucky endings. Disney's never been real good about being realistic with that. Guess the only question for this story is whether or not that prince ever figures the trick out, or if he, like so many of our kind, just got completely swept up by a pretty face."

"He always figures it out," Lily replied, grinning as she watched Sawyer lock his legs. It wasn't the sort of thing easily taught, but she couldn't deny that she liked watching when people tried, especially men. "But how it ends depends on what version of the ballet is being performed. In the original, she doesn't even kill herself, but that one isn't performed very often anymore. I guess people prefer tragedy."

Though she wouldn't call herself a pessimist, there was something about the more tragic ending that Lily found appealing. It certainly made for better theatre, she thought, and when it was played properly, like she knew Nina had been able to do, it made for a more enchanting version of Odette.

"Sometimes they kill themselves together," she said. "Sometimes he's left alone to grieve for her. That was the version we were doing." She paused, and smiled. "But he always realizes that he's been fooled. I'm not sure if that's meant to be comforting or not."

"Guess it's the ultimate revenge." With a slight jolt as Sawyer lost both footing and balance, he swore under his breath and settled back firmly on his feet again, shaking his head at the measley attempt— he'd leave ballet to the trained. Not that he was ever considering taking it up as even a hobby, but sometimes, when a girl gave direction, a man just had to humor her. "Y'know, when you're scorned and all you wanna know is that the person who wronged you is sufferin' just as much as you are. And it don't take personal experience to know that bein' the one left behind like that?" His gaze evened out with a smile that was almost forced, tense, but softer in its silence.

"S'gotta hurt. For a while, anyway. Until he manages to absolve himself of the blame somehow." Leaning against the barre, Sawyer cracked a grin. "I'm not very forgivin' of my own gender, am I?"

"No, not really," Lily agreed with a soft smile, though she supposed she understood why some people might not be very forgiving of either gender. It had been a long time since she'd been hurt like that by anyone, long enough that she'd all but forgotten what it felt like, but there were reasons she chose not to get involved too deeply with men. And it wasn't that she believed all of them were the same or that every man she chose to get involved with might do something stupid, just that things were simpler without the type of attachments that often caused people to act foolish.

"Isn't a little bit easier to forgive him when you know there's magic involved?" she asked, her smile growing. "Von Rothbart, he's the sorcerer, he always scared the shit out of me when I was a kid. My mom took me to see Swan Lake for the first time when I was seven or eight and she says I cried whenever he came on stage."

"I'm a little... shall we say, skeptical when it comes to magic," Sawyer admitted with a tilt of his head. "I know it exists. Hell, I can't stay on an island like this one for a year and even pretend to myself that we ain't being tugged around by some puppetstrings right now, but for all the magic that's here and that I'd seen before arrivin' on Tabula Rasa, never seemed like people's choices were really changed. Like magic could make you see somethin', but it takes your own choice to believe it."

His eyes narrowed and he shook his head. "I'm thinkin' too deeply into a simple thing like a ballet, though. Guess that's what happens when all you've got for entertainment's the beach, 80s television, and a bookshelf that'll give you whatever the hell it wants."

Lily laughed, then bent down to undo the ribbons on her shoes. As far as explanations for the island went, she found magic to be easier to swallow than the idea that they were all being controlled by some sentient piece of land and she nodded as she stood up again and toed off the shoes.

"I'm not much of a magic expert," she admitted as she reached up to pull her hair free of the elastic she'd wound into it. "But I've always felt a little bad for Siegfried. I guess when the dancer playing Odile is good at what she's doing, it's sort of hard not to feel bad for the guy. It's the ultimate seduction when she comes to him, disguised as the woman he's fallen in love with." With a grin, she lifted one shoulder in a shrug and said, "I'd be hard pressed to resist her when it's danced properly. I think you would be, too."

She suspected most people would be. That was part of why Swan Lake was so popular. When Odile was danced like Nina had danced her, it was beautiful and engaging and magnetic. Impossible to resist.

"Now see," Sawyer protested, shaking his head as he watched Lily untie her shoes and tug the tie from her hair, "had you posed that challenge earlier, I"d ask you to try your hand at this magician's daughter. 'Cause I might need a bit more convincin' before I'll believe that someone's capable of swaying me from someone I'm head over heels with." Leaning his elbow against the wall, Sawyer raised his brow in a fair tease, the sort of thing that always seemed strangely easy with her. Some people got worked up about a bit of flirting here or there; Lily never did.

He was pretty certain that she could've broken more than a few hearts that way.

"Then again," he remarked, "guess it doesn't work unless I fall in love with you first. Not that you'd make it hard."

"Are you telling me you're not already?" Lily asked in return as she pushed her damp hair over her shoulders and shot Sawyer a grin. "The island is making me soft, if that's the case."

Although she was teasing, there was a part of Lily that was sure Sawyer would somehow be immune to whatever charm she possessed. She wasn't sure why she thought that or if it was even true, but there was a reason she hadn't tried to sleep with him. For so long, Lily had been confident enough that she never worried one way or another what a person thought of her and while she hadn't lost that, necessarily, when she was around Sawyer she found that she did wonder. And that in itself was odd.

"I'll need to work on that before I dance Odile for you," she said as she crossed the studio to her bag and placed her shoes inside.

"Hey, you were the one who made me lose hope after speed dating," he pointed out with a crooked grin, letting his hand run down the length of the barre before he pushed off as well, trailing after Lily at a lazy pace, his gaze dropping for a second before he raised it again. There was something about her that he found he couldn't allow himself to linger on for too long. Something strong, something that he didn't want to break, however inadvertently it would have been— if he even could. Too few women carried themselves with the type of confidence that Lily did, and while he wouldn't have wanted to exploit those who fell a little weaker, neither did he want to ruin the ideal. Friendship was better.

He seemed to let down less people in that type of role.

"'Cause I'm a guy who takes a message. And a lack of a card makes says just as much as a request for a second date."

Briefly, Lily's lips pursed as she found herself caught between a smile and a denial. But there was no sense in that, because she hadn't put his name down and even now, she wasn't entirely sure why. There was a connection, that much was obvious and while Lily had no problem having male friends -- adored them, really -- she had never been one to turn away from the obvious benefits such a friendship might have.

"I don't know why I didn't," she said a moment later, turning back to face him. "In the interest of total honesty, I don't know why I didn't." Honesty was always easier and even if she couldn't quite work out the reasons, there was no sense not being honest about that. There was probably a dozen different lies she could tell, reasons she could give that would seem genuine or even understandable, but she didn't want to.

"I think it might have been something you said about not wanting to put a time limit on getting to know someone," she admitted as she hooked her hair behind her ear. "I liked that."

"So you fell for a line," Sawyer laughed, shaking his head. However honestly he'd meant it at the time, which was honestly more so with Lily than he'd meant it with anyone else, feeling somehow free to speak his mind around her even in the space of five minutes, it was still a line that he'd used before. Not wanting to let a friendship, or a potential relationship, be cut off by the practical close of time. "But hey, I guess to be fair, you were the only one who got that kinda remark from me. Which was why your name made it on the card."

Pressing his lips together, Sawyer shook his head, the gesture a bit helpless, if fond. "Truth be told though, I wasn't there to find a date. Just thought it'd be a way to kill time."

"At least it's a good line," Lily answered with a laugh of her own, then leaned back against the barre with a smile. It wasn't a line she'd used very often, but she'd done her fair share of using lines on men and women before, and had no problem with the idea that she'd fallen for one of his. Sometimes lines worked for a reason.

"I wasn't really there to find a date either," she admitted, though she didn't think he'd be surprised by that. "But I like meeting new people. I was more about that than anything else for me." Whether or not there was a connection was secondary sometimes, to just seeing what happened when faced with someone new.

And it had worked, in the end. Two of the men she'd already known and enjoyed their company, and she'd met Sawyer.

"Meeting the daring and the desperate," Sawyer added with a small grin, thinking of the self-selection that speed-dating no doubt had. Tilting his head, he amended his statement, thinking of the group of women he'd met, and those he'd seen sign up for the other half of the event. "Or at least, those easily tugged into the whole deal by friends. Felt like some people might've been more comfortable if it was just a mixer, less structure to it all. 'specially if you just wanna meet new people."

Pausing, he considered asking her whether she'd found anyone at all, carefully glancing down at his shoe to keep from scuffing against the floor. He decided against it. (After all, curiosity could be easily misread, even by folks Sawyer thought too even-headed to do so.)

"You wanna head on over to the Compound?" he asked instead. "Not that I mind the dance studio, but heck, I feel like I ain't supposed to be here 'less I break out in some kinda tap."

"Then let's see your tap," Lily said, gesturing at the floor before she grinned and slipped her sandals back onto her feet. She took a moment to sweep her damp hair off her face and pulled it into a loose ponytail again just to keep it back as she picked up her bag and tucked her pointe shoes inside.

There was a class starting soon, so she would have had to make room for them within the next half hour or so. It would be good to get out and head up to the Compound.

"Grab some lunch?" she suggested, the bag hooked over her shoulder. "I could kill for a really good burger right about now. I'm starved. I always am after rehearsing. I work out and then turn into the kind of person who can eat the whole cow."

He considered tapping for half a second in earnest, gaze dropping from her eyes down to his feet, and a brow raising in bemusement. Fortunately, Lily didn't remain on the topic for long, giving him the opportunity to recover, decidedly pushing tap off for the next time. While a part of him wondered just how hard it could be to get one's shoes to tap on a smooth wooden floor, he wasn't keen on making a fool out of himself by proving that notion wrong. "Maybe next time, if I find the right shoes," he said instead, lips drawn up in a smirk as he let his hands rest in his pockets, slowly ambling after her.

"Lunch sounds good, though. Ain't sure I can convince Neil to kill off a cow, but there's boar burgers. Ain't quite the same, but you put on a little extra sauce, makes it harder to notice."

"Oh, god, whatever," Lily said, laughing as she exited the studio and stepped into the midday sun. And that was something she was never going to grow tired of, the warmth of that sun on her skin after a a rehearsal, after a swim in the ocean, after time spent in the Compound. There weren't many things that reminded her of home, but that was one of them.

Good food would definitely be second on that list and although it wasn't quite the same as California, sometimes the island managed to give her exactly what she wanted in that regard as well.

"If it's meat, I want it," she continued, grinning over at Sawyer. "I know how that sounds and I'm at peace with it."

"Ain't no rule says that a girl can't enjoy a good slab of meat in a while, farm or otherwise," Sawyer pointed out in return with a suggestive raise of his brow. Nothing too forward, by his standards, which he assumed that Lily had more or less managed to asceratin by that point. Though their conversations weren't all that frequent, neither of them seemed to be putting up too much of a front, as far as Sawyer could tell. And he liked that. Because before he'd become insanely self-aware of the implications of his actions, he'd somewhat enjoyed being a rogue. There was a romantic aspect to it, although the reality fell short of that the majority of the time, and if a girl didn't get her hopes hung too high with a few well-chosen words and a smile, then Sawyer saw no reason not to indulge himself a bit.

Play the part, as much as Lily ever did while on the stage.

Unable to help herself, Lily gave a laugh, tipping her head slightly to look over at Sawyer in amusement. "You know, I'm on board with that rule, though I'm sure there are people even here who'd argue that with you. Farm or otherwise." In her time here, she hadn't yet run into a vegetarian, but that didn't necessarily mean there weren't any. And Nina herself could sometimes be an example of the protests against the otherwise, even if she had loosened up in recent months.

Lily knew she led her life a bit differently than a lot of people would choose to, but she knew how easily things could be taken away. Lucky or not, she'd still had her share of losses. "Still, you won't hear an argument from me," she said, flashing a brighter grin. "On either situation."

He barked a laugh then, bright and sudden, pleased with the lip that she gave. Her confidence shone in a way that Sawyer's never did, and whether it was the want or admiration of it which drew him to her, Sawyer wasn't sure, but there didn't seem to be any reason to argue against it just yet. "Y'know, there actually was this one crazy enviro chick who wanted us to stop eatin' any animals. Idea didn't go over so well. Heard she disappeared 'bout a month before I got to the island, though, so that's a relief," he snorted, shaking his head as he tried to imagine the way the two of them would get along. (Or wouldn't.)

"But hell, if all those science experts say that we're meant to be meat and veggies kind of folks, why fight a good plate of ribs, huh?" he reasoned, stepping until he was that half step in front of Lily, less concerned about taking charge, and more falling back on instinct he always had, the one that told him to keep others safe.

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[Sawyer]

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