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eden

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They haven't hung out in far too long.

Lily's been meaning to call Eden for weeks now, but she's been swamped with rehearsals and performances and she keeps letting it slip by without thinking. But eventually she takes a moment, closes the door of her dressing room at the studio and calls. It's easy to get caught up in living in Darrow, easier than it ever was on the island, but that's not an excuse and she likes to think she's a better friend than that.

So they make plans and now, two days later, she's left the studio early, gone home to shower before she takes Eden out for the night. Dinner, some dancing if they want, anything they want to do, really. She's excited to see Eden again, to catch up on what's been going on in their lives and she's surprised to find just how much she misses her friend. Not because Eden's not wonderful, but because she knows her tendency to move on easily, to drift in and out of a person's life, but it's been too long now. She's too invested.

It's a good thing, she's finding.

Outside Eden's, she leans against the wall and knocks on the door, smiling in anticipation.

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"It's the same," Eden agrees, nodding. "I mean, Luke wasn't around at all when Jason was growing up, so they might even be closer. But at least their kids are, like, teenagers." She loves kids, she really does, but she's not prepared to juggle some kind of pseudo-relationship and some kindergartener. And she can't even imagine explaining the same situation to a younger kid, whereas Jason gets it, whether he likes it or not.

"Oh, yeah, I can't imagine if he had a toddler," Lily agrees with a laugh, shaking her head. There are a lot of things she can do, but she's not even remotely interested in becoming someone's mother. "I'm not the right kind of person to take something like that on."

And if that had been the case, she would have been honest with Delta from the start.

"Me either," Eden says, shaking her head. Sometimes she thinks she'd like kids, and other times, she's not sure it would be fair of her when she has no idea when the sand in her hourglass is going to run out. Either way, she's not ready to leap into a relationship of any kind with a little kid in the equation. That makes things way more serious than they're supposed to be. "That'd be so much pressure. And what if he can't get a babysitter? There goes the night."

Lily gives a laugh as she turns them in the direction of the restaurant, knowing even a year ago, she never would have imagined either of them in this situation or having this conversation. Eden's been a friend longer than almost anyone and there aren't many people Lily trusts more, but she's been more than that, too.

"So Luke..." she says with a smile. "You say you're not a thing, but you like him?"

Eden flounders, mouth open for a description she doesn't yet have, and shrugs. "Yeah," she says, "I do. I... I really, really like him." There aren't many people she feels she can be utterly herself around. She's always bending, twisting, even without meaning to, adapting to what others want and like. She's spent a long time getting good at making herself pleasant or, if necessary, invisible, whatever will keep her safest, and it's a habit that's hard to discard. Being herself means feeling safe, and that's a trust that, no matter how many people she loves, she can't offer wholly to most. But she's usually herself with Lily and with Luke. It's hard not to be drawn to that kind of comfort. "We just aren't really calling it anything, you know? I don't think he's really a relationship kind of guy."

"What about you?" Lily asks, because for a long time she'd certainly thought she wasn't a relationship kind of girl and although she and Delta have never officially labelled anything, she knows what they are. She knows they're together in a way she hasn't been with anyone in a very long time.

People change. Of course, some people don't and she feels both these things are entirely valid. She also trusts Eden will figure out what works for them best, but she's curious and she wonders if Eden has anyone else she's been able to talk to about this.

Again she shrugs, pulling a face. "You know, I don't know what I am," she says, wry. "I've had boyfriends before, I don't mind the label. And it's always nice at first, but... sooner or later, I always figure out they like me a whole lot more than I like them." It's not like Eden doesn't love them all in her way. She remembers them fondly, and doesn't regret the time she gave them. But she has more to give than she could give them, and she didn't see the point in wasting their time. Right now, she's not sure the same is true where Luke is concerned, but maybe it is. Maybe if they actually started dating in some nameable way, she'd get over him, too.

That's always been the case with Lily as well, especially when it comes to men. Things have always been easier with women, she's found them less inclined to worry about defining what they have with her, which she's always responded to much better than the pressure to put a name on something. But Delta's never asked that of her, which is possibly why she hasn't worried about it or thought about it very much until now.

"It's always easier when you don't need to think about it, isn't it?" she asks with a small smile.

"It is, isn't it?" Eden asks. She laughs, wistful. "I guess I want it both ways, you know? All the... intimacy and all of a relationship and no need to call it something or rush anywhere. Why can't people just enjoy it?" It just makes more sense to her. She wants to be with someone, not belong to someone.

"I feel like that's a question that could be asked about almost anything in life," Lily says with a wry grin. She's always been more inclined to just enjoy things without worrying about what someone else might think or what sort of label anyone might want to put on it.

"Delta's never asked for anything," she admits. "But I think that's because something was done to him before he arrived here and he's missing memories from a good chunk of his life. He knows things, but he has no memory of them, so it's easier. He comes into this with absolutely no expectations of what we should be doing."

Edited 2013-12-30 04:45 (UTC)

"That's — I mean, it's awful," Eden says, "but it's got to be nice, in a way. Way less pressure for both of you. I just wish people could do that with their memories intact. Other than us, anyway." Then again, isn't that exactly what she's lamenting? That Luke doesn't seem inclined to have expectations? Except that at the same time, it's endearing. She still can't get over how sweet he was on his birthday, in his own, clumsy way, and how clear it was that he's not accustomed to people doing things for him out of kindness or affection. "It sounds like he's a good fit."

Lily nods slowly, not because Delta isn't a good fit, but because Eden's right and he is. He's not sure she's ever found a good fit for her before, not in the long term. She's fit with plenty of people in her way, Eden most especially, but she's never found a relationship that's fit her before and sometimes she's still not sure if they're doing it properly or not.

If there is any proper way to do it.

"He is," she says. "Although right now he's trying to regain some of his memories, so that's been... very interesting."

"Sounds tough," Eden says, fingers brushing Lily's arm. "For both of you. How's he holding up?" It's not something she's ever had to deal with firsthand, but she imagines it can be an upsetting process to deal with. It's lucky Delta has people there for him at a time like that.

"He went sort of mute not long ago," Lily admits, frowning a little. He'd gotten it back, but it had taken time and she wonders if it's not the last time something like that happens. "When he got here, he couldn't speak, whatever they'd done to him made it impossible and he had a memory and it was like he lost the ability to speak again. It came back, but for awhile..." She shakes her head. "I was kind of worried."

"God, I can't imagine," Eden murmurs. "That's awful." It hits home, though it's not like she's ever been in the same position. It's just easy to imagine how awful it feels to be without a voice. "Do you know if he's thought about talking to anybody? Like a professional, I mean? It seems like he's been through some stuff."

"He is, yeah," Lily says and she smiles over at Eden, not at all surprised that she can be counted on to suggest the things that will likely be the most helpful. It's always been this way, Eden's always been a steadying presence in Lily's life, even when the two of them were getting into their version of trouble.

"This isn't meant to change the subject, but I just thought it," she says. "Do you remember the two of us talking about opening a club on the island? Somewhere for people to come just so they could dance?" She has no illusions about herself, she's not interested in owning a business, but if there's anyone she thinks she could manage such a task with, it would be Eden.

"Oh, man, yes," Eden says. "I'd forgotten that!" It still sounds like a fantastic idea to her. She would go out more often if she had somewhere to go where she knew she could avoid temptation. It's taken her a long time to come to terms with the fact that outright avoiding those situations isn't weaker than pushing through them, that it's the smart thing for her, but now she has, it puts a damper on her social life. Lily's one of the only people she would brave a club with.

"So had I until just now," she says, smiling. The subject had come up during a particularly memorable swim, she can understand why the memory of the conversation might have been overshadowed by other things. "I guess it's not as necessary here as it would have been on the island. There's practically a club on every second corner now." Which she loves, though she doesn't go as often as she used to. It's strange to think just how many little things in her life have changed since she met Delta.

"There isn't one really like that still, though," Eden says. "It's a shame. Not that I go out all that much." She's got other things on her plate right now, and anyway, she doesn't go alone. If she's with friends, at least she has a distraction. Being in a club alone is a recipe for trouble.

It's weird for Lily to acknowledge she doesn't go out like she used to either, but she doesn't, that's changed. When she does go out, it's most often with Eden or Nina, but even those nights have become fewer and further between. "Most often when I go out now, it's to one of those stuffy functions," she admits. "Investors to impress for hours when all I really want to do is either be out with you or Nina or just head back home. It's like they're worse in Darrow somehow."

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