On her own, she could have adjusted. It would have hurt, but Lily knew she'd be able to deal with the loss of Delta and Nina and Eden again. She'd dealt with loss before and this time wouldn't have to be any different.

But not with Eleanor here. There would be a reminder of what Darrow had been like and she didn't want to adjust again.

"It's not the same," she said, though she didn't even know that to be true. There was a desk in one corner and she went to it, rifling through drawers. "It feels different, doesn't it? Like... like something's going to happen."