notfaking_it | (no subject)

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kaine

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It isn't so late that the streets are empty, everyone at home and tucked into bed, but it's late enough. The bars are still open, restaurant patios occasionally overflowing with people who, like Lily, aren't yet ready to go home. She's had a few drinks, danced for an hour or so at a club and now she isn't sure what she's looking for. No one in the club held her interest long enough to make her want to invite them home.

She's entertaining going to visit someone, maybe Eames, maybe one of the new friends she's made since her arrival here, but for the moment she stands on the sidewalk, indecisive.

The city's getting under her skin in a way the island never could. It's not New York, but she belongs here more than she ever did there. Even so she can't make herself forget the people left behind, she can't stop thinking about the way they made her feel, the things they did for her. She can't stop thinking about Sawyer and Faye and Jeff. She can't stop thinking about Nina and it's killing her.

"Hey," she says suddenly, turning to a passing stranger. "What time is it?"

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When the wind first hits her, there's a moment where she has to steel herself against it, pressing into it slightly. The wind whips her hair around her face, but then Kaine is leading her across the roof and suddenly the wind is gone.

Opening her eyes, she reaches up to tug her hair out of the way, smoothing it back from her face as she looks out at the view. "Wow," she says, surprised by how it looks up here. It's not New York, but it's been a long time since she's seen a city like this.

This particular spot has a nice view of one of the longer streets, gold and yellow lights snaking through the city like some sort of mechanical serpent. I know it doesn't compare to some city sights, but in this place it's not too bad and the fact that we had to do a little breaking and entering to get here I feel adds to the atmosphere.

"Not too spectacular, but I didn't have time to get a tightrope up here to walk between the buildings or something more amazing."

Lily laughs, the sound a little breathless after the trip they've taken across the roof in the wind, after the drinks she's had. She feels faintly light headed, but in a good way. It's the combination of everything, she thinks. The drinks, the lights, the fact that she's up here with a near stranger who's had to break in to get her up here.

Turning slightly, she presses closer to Kaine and shakes her head. "No, it's amazing," she says.

"Good."

I can feel her pressing closer to me and I don't know what to make of it. I know what my body thinks I should make of it, but with a history of mental illness and instincts that say I should kill the majority of the people who annoy me, I tend not to trust those kind of reactions.

Still, it feels nice and I'm not about to push her away. Maybe I'll just... let it be for now.

For a moment Lily's quiet, just looking out at the lights, at the cars moving down below and in the distance. With the wind blocked, it's surprisingly quiet and he's awfully warm beside her and she closes her eyes briefly, just to enjoy that.

When she opens them again, she tips her head back slightly to look up at Kaine. "So do you take all the girls you meet up here?" she asks. If he does, it's not a problem. She doesn't need to feel like this is out of the ordinary for it to be enjoyable.

"Uh, no. I- like I said, I don't get out much."

I'm pretty sure that Sybil would never come up here, I get the sense that she's just barely comfortable going to the library alone with me, never mind a place like this. Helen would probably like it, although I think something like this would imply... something. I don't know exactly what, but it would. Cass... Cass sees things like this every night.

"I was teasing," Lily tells him gently, although she certainly doesn't mind being the only one who's come up here with him. And she certainly doesn't mind being up here alone with him now, away from the sounds of the city that she missed so desperately on the island. She shifts slightly, pressing herself closer to Kaine, mostly on purpose, her arm hooked around his again. It's not just the warmth of his body she's looking for -- though it helps -- but the chance to find someone else, a body to replace the people she's missing.

It's a cruel thought, in a way, but it's there all the same.

"Oh."

I feel stupid for not recognizing that. I probably come off as some sort of brain dead thug who is two IQ points from being a vegetable. I really need to either keep to myself or find some way to improve my social skills. I'm thinking that shutting myself inside all day is preferable.

Of course, the beautiful woman pressing herself very closely to me is making a very strong argument for going out every now and then.

"The lack of smile threw me off."

"I'm told that when I'm not smiling I look very stern," Lily agrees, even as she tries not to smile while she says it. It's too difficult, though, and she shrugs a moment later, a stray bit of wind slipping into the alcove and sending her hair over her shoulder again.

"Don't take everything so seriously," she says, still looking up at him. "There's a lot to be said for relaxing."

"I hate to break it to you, but this is about as relaxed as I get."

It's the sad truth, but I'm not ashamed of it. After all that I've been through, I think I've earned the right to be a little tense. I don't think I could ever be as carefree as someone like Lily, but I don't think I want to be. I don't even know if I want a happy middle ground. I'm not exactly happy, but I'm me. I don't want to be someone else.

"You don't ever relax just a little more?" Lily asks, her voice rising slightly at the end of the question, her smile taking on the same suggestive tilt she'd been wearing earlier in the bar. "Remember when I told you that there's about a hundred things you can do in the city? There are about another hundred things you can do to... relax."

It's not quite the word she means, but she imagines he gets that.

"Uh."

Suddenly, I'm very, very out of my depth. My depth doesn't even include realizing that this is a depth that I might potentially go to. I can feel my temperature rising and suddenly my pants seem to be getting a lot tighter. I feel a bit panicky too, because I don't trust these sort of reactions in myself. My instincts are deeply flawed and I'm not entirely sure I trust them.

"I don't- I've never really... relaxed much and it's... it's been a while?"

There's actually something strangely appealing about that and Lily's smile hitches a little higher. She likes men -- and women, really -- of all levels of experience and there's always something that feels nice about having a little more power than the other person. And in that position, she feels more in control, something she's lacked in her more recent affairs on the island.

"Well, it's never too late to get back into the habit, so to speak," she points out.

Oh boy. Ohhhhh boy.

Suddenly, I find myself wishing that some sirens were going off so that I would have a legitimate excuse to rush off. Someone might need me to save them, and I would just have to leave instead of dealing with... whatever it was I was dealing with.

"Uh, right. It's not. Too late. Ever."

Fuck, I am totally just going to jump off the edge of this building and that will be that.

He looks and sounds so uncomfortable that Lily turns to face him fully, looking up at him for a moment. "Close your eyes," she tells him. It won't be much of a surprise, she imagines, but at least it might stop him from looking like he's torn between running away and staying exactly where he is.

And it isn't just for him. Not even close. This is so sweet in a way that she's almost completely distracted. She's not thinking of the island, she isn't thinking of Nina. She's only thinking of him and a way to make him at least slightly more comfortable.

I gladly do just that, because with my eyes closed at least I don't have to watch her watch me being awkward. About a dozen years of life and this sort of situation still escapes me. How do people live with doing this sort of thing every day?

Even if this is some bizarrely elaborate plot to push me off the building at least then it will be familiar circumstances.

When he closes his eyes, Lily slips both her hands into his, then pushes up onto her toes. She's nearly en pointe and she uses his hands as leverage, pressing closer until she can brush her mouth over his. It's just a light kiss at first, just something to relax him a little and she pauses, waiting to see how he might react before trying anything more. He is awfully sweet, especially with how willing he is to trust her, how willing he was to just close his eyes.

I don't know if I'm actually relaxing, but I'm doing my best not to get more anxious. The kiss is brief, almost feeling, and I'm surprised by how soft it is. I'm still not used to this whole "good touch" stuff and I have to wonder what type of girl would be willing to go up to a roof with a stranger and kiss him, but I figure I'm the last person who should just anyone.

Since she's already done this much and hasn't run off, I figure why not try a bit more. I return the kiss, trying to brush my lips over hers just as softly and am only partially successful.

He hasn't run away, which Lily considers a good sign and she lets go of one of his hands to slip her arm around him, pressing herself flush against his body. And he's kissing back, another good sign, so she deepens the kiss slightly, her lips parting. Though she never would have said as much outright, this was what she was looking for out there on the street. Companionship, even if only for a night.

I can't help the little growl of desire that escapes my throat as she kisses me back and presses even closer. I'm very, very aware of just how close she is and just how good that feels. Ballet dances have very nice curves, apparently.

My arms slip around her waist, more to have something to do with them than to keep her close, although if it does that too then I'm not going to complain.

The noise he makes sends a shiver through her, the feeling racing up her spine and Lily makes a soft noise in return, more than happy to keep her body pressed right up against his. Curling her hand against the back of Kaine's neck, she smiles slightly against his mouth, just for a moment, her other hand coming to rest against his chest. And he's in spectacular shape, something she can't help but notice, especially this close to him, her fingertips resting against the plane of his chest.

I deepen the kiss a bit more, my tongue teasing against her lips. The sensation is almost intoxicating and that scares me a little bit. The idea that I could lose control of myself in any way bothers me, but it feels amazing and it's not like I'm losing my mind here. It's not a bad thing that I'm letting go like this, is it?

With the way she's touching me though, maybe I don't care. Maybe it would be good to get lost in something like this.

Lily's purse drops to the roof finally, shaken free of her arm before she puts her hands on him again, both sliding up the expanse of his chest to hook around the back of his neck again. "How private is this roof?" she asks against his mouth, unwilling to move back even long enough to ask a question. She feels flushed and warm, her skin prickling with pleasure as her hips arch gently and deliberately forward.

"Uh, private?" I say, not entirely sure what she's asking for. I don't give a damn if someone comes up here and catches us kissing. Right now I just want her to keep doing what she was doing with her hands and hips and mouth.

"No one is going to come up here."

"Good," she murmurs, then kisses him again, using her hands and hips to walk him backward gently until he's pressed up against the wall. This is something she knows, something she's good at and it's distracting in exactly the way she needs it to be. A warm body, a nice smile, skin for her to explore and touch and learn, that's everything she wants this evening.

Still kissing him, her tongue teasing lightly at his lower lip, Lily lets her hands drop long enough to shrug off the jacket she's wearing over her tank top. Then they're back on him again, seeking the warmth, the contact and friction.