"I hate to break it to you, but this is about as relaxed as I get."

It's the sad truth, but I'm not ashamed of it. After all that I've been through, I think I've earned the right to be a little tense. I don't think I could ever be as carefree as someone like Lily, but I don't think I want to be. I don't even know if I want a happy middle ground. I'm not exactly happy, but I'm me. I don't want to be someone else.